using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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