Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
