he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
