Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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