The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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