How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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