does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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