She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
