YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
