the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
