we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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