just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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