i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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