i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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