I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
