we have pet lesbian snakes
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
