Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
