i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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