You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
