Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
