I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
