I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
