Me too!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
