This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
