YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize