I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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