It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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