i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
