You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
