Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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