Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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