You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
