me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
