Need sex. Gaining weight.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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