hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
