The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
