Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I deserve to be covered in dicks
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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