i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
