You're so nebulous sometimes
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
