how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
