I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
