you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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