i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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