just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
