Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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