It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
