I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
