you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
