so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize