he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
