I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I love how my cats smell like pot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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