searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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