sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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