I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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