I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
