You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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