so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
