I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
