I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
