hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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