The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
